The conditions for happiness
When I was working I rented a small house with a friend
and we lived together.
The house had a small garden
and since I loved flowers
I planted various kinds each spring.
I also planted a flowering tree
the tree grew steadily
and after 3 years.
It blossomed beautifully
covering its branches with small pink flowers.
On weekends, I found great peace and happiness
just sipping a cup of coffee while gazing at that tree.
However, the flowers only stayed beautiful for about 2 weeks
before wilting and falling
covering the yard with petals.
My friend who swept up the fallen petals
every day would complain that the tree was nothing but trouble.
They often grumbled about cutting it down in the fall
as stepping on the pedals felt like walking on trash
and caused them stress.
Despite my assurances that I would handle the cleanup
the petals remained a source of frustration
for my friend.
In the end when autumn came
I had no choice but to cut down the tree.
What brought me happiness
became a source of stress for my friend.
This experience showed me
that the conditions for happiness
differ greatly from person to person.
To me the brief labor of cleaning up petals
was a small price to pay for the joy
and beauty the tree brought to my eyes
and nose.
To my friend, however,
the fallen petals represented tiresome work.
My friend was a staunch realist
and often dismissed the concept of emotional happiness
as something only idealists could entertain.
They frequently told me to get my head
out of the clouds.
For them, happiness was watching their bank account grow
and owning a home through saving money.
We had vastly different standards for happiness.
I could skip a meal
but still find joy in buying a single chrysanthemum
to place in a voss during the fall.
My friend, on the other hand,
preferred using that money to buy fried chicken
which we would share and enjoy together.
What kept us as friends for so long
was our mutual respect
for each other's standard of happiness.
Neither of us imposed our criteria on the other.
If our source of Joy
caused significant inconvenience to the other
we would willingly give it up
because we deeply valued and cared for each other.
Our friendship endured
and left behind beautiful memories.
Insisting that my own happiness and joy
are the only right way to constrain relationships.
Relationships falter
when we impose our standards of happiness on others.
Through meditation,
I let go of all the conditions and criteria
for my happiness
and then a surprising transformation began in my life.
I started to live without obstacles flowing like water
experiencing happiness and joy
regardless of the situation.
If I only liked coffee I'd need coffee to be happy
but after letting go of my preferences.
I found happiness in drinking tea,
coffee or even just water
by erasing all the conditions for happiness
that I had created in my mind.
I discovered an unlimited source of joy and contentment.
Reference: Naperville MeditationHub.
